My Realizations With You About Life and Love...

I do not want to be responsible for spoiling a beautiful relationship. After great thought I’ve realized that the stuff that happened to us was necessarily an event that was meant to make this relationship even stronger. I want this relationship to go deeper, closer to spirituality, and reach a level where our ego boundaries dissolve into each other but with some restraint.

The world is suddenly becoming clear to me. Everything is falling into place.

The process of understanding you and myself has slowly but steadily begun. I’m sure this will lead to a spiritual awakening in me as well as you.

I introspect myself a lot before questioning or telling you something that I think about you so that it may contribute to you as well as my growth. Love is a dual phenomenon. 

You exercising control over me is not an act of selfishness but it is your genuine love that respects my individuality and uniqueness and also values it. I need that beloved leadership and I’m sure even you do. Of course before doing such a thing, I know how painstakingly you self-scrutinize. I know how much you think before telling me or questioning me about something, because you care.

One thing that I’ve learnt is to never hold my feelings, else I’ll lose my real self. Contrary to that I also found out that if I let go my feelings, my mind will become chaotic.

An attempt to love someone who cannot benefit from your love is a waste of energy. Love is precious and I want to focus that only on you because just like I have only 24 hours in a day, I only have enough energy for a select few in my life. This sharing of energy I call LOVE. It is beyond comprehension to me, how people are able to love 100 individuals, as this is what seems impossible to me. I’m sure that this takes a great deal of self-discipline. Anyways this is not the point of the matter.

I would like to quote one of the lines that I found nice in a book that I recently read, “The more I love, the longer I love, the larger I become.”

I would like to tell you from the depths of my heart that I will not allow ourselves to suffer anymore, and I promise to work to make this happen. I’m willing to dedicate my time and energy to this effort.

I want to feel what you feel, for this I’ll have to shed my narcissistic approach that I have towards you. My unique individuality has never been respected or appreciated; instead I was being made into a copy of my parents or what they wanted me to be. In you, I saw that respect for my individuality among all the people I’ve ever met. I saw hope in you.

I have overcome that fear or risk of separation or loss that I had before. I want you to grow spiritually and emotionally to become a great human being (of which you are already in the process) .I want you to grow and not pull you down by my submissive behavior and dependency related tantrums (I promise I’ll recover soon from these).

Mutual sacrifice is an important function in a relationship. This will take us to greater heights in life provided that sacrifice is solely for the growth of the other. Greater love demands striving together and not striving for one another. Super-positioning is better than isolated travel for one another with the resultant of the former is a two times more efficient than the later.

I’ll slowly identify my strengths and weakness, that’ll fill me with a new level of confidence and I’m sure to make this happen even if it takes a lifetime. I’m content that this process has started.

Tell me from the deepest of your heart if you ever find this relationship frustrating.

Do not care about the consequences, because if you withhold your feelings for want of stability, I promise I’ll give you something quite the opposite. So I beg you give out the truth.

Absence of love in life is a serious problem and I don’t want to go through such absence as I do not want to degrade myself, because with you find the confidence that I’ll grow to be a very good human being.

You were correct when you said that the thing that matters is the inner-self and I’ve realized the truth in that statement.

You may have noticed a sudden maturity in my speech, this is because I’m building an opinion of this world and its many faces that creates a less blurred image of my, the society around me and its intricate elements.

I had a view that crossing the line would be equal to stepping on the edge of the cliff without looking below. But now when I dare to look below (where many do not dare to look with a fear in mind, a fear that even I suffered of before) ,I find the scintillating river in the gorge more tempting and beautiful compared to the lifeless barren plateau .

Till now, I was trying to see the world through the eyes of my parents and now I was repeating the same mistake by asking you to show me the world through your eyes. But you were determined to bring a change in me, which I previously thought was arrogance on your part. But now I realize that you wanted me to see the world through my own eyes which god had gifted me. You wanted me to build my own lens instead of borrowing. This I realized because no matter what borrowed perspective I made of the world, the world seemed blurred, which is natural because that perspective or view is not meant for me.

It is now that I’ve understood the real meaning of spirituality. It is not about being “religious” or visiting a religious shrine, it is also not about believing what the religion teaches you. It is about the belief that you have in yourself. A work of constant self-scrutiny and experimentation that’ll bring me closer to God.

Like Sufi Aba Said ibn Abi-I-Khair says,

“Until college and minaret have crumbled

This holy work of ours will not be done

Until faith becomes rejection, and rejection becomes belief

There will be no true Muslim”

This is the universal truth not only for Islamics.

My inner self is telling me that I’ll get closer to reality and I’ve taken the first step forward to its realization. You may be rejoiced to know that if this continues I’ll soon have a spiritual awakening.

You always have meant a lot to me and all this has only been possible because of your presence and support. You made me feel confident about myself, a feeling that I CAN has developed inside me. I owe you my life.